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Bernard Jones and the Temple of Mammon

The continuing diary of a cantankerous investor

By Nick Louth

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About the Author

Nick Louth

Nick Louth is a bestselling thriller writer, award-winning financial journalist and an investment commentator. A 1979 graduate of the London School of Economics, he went on to become a Reuters foreign correspondent in 1987. It was an experience at a medical conference in Amsterdam in 1992, while working for Reuters, that gave him the inspiration for Bite, which was self-published in 2007 and went ... Read more on Nick Louth

Contents Listing

1. Mr Twenty Per Cent
2. Alternative Investment
3. Gales Of Fortune
4. Private Iniquity
5. Bounced Czech
6. Celandine Sunk
7. Gordon Pulls Rank
8. Cosmetic Surgery
9. Courting Trouble
10. Knuckle Sandwich
11. Hacking Jacket
12. Carrot And Stick
13. The Temple Of Mammon
14. Bull In A China Shop
15. Earnings Guidance
16. Kwik Not Saved
17. Party Pooper
18. Password Bingo
19. Racquet And Reckitt
20. Emerald Isle Trial
21. Safe As Houses
22. Carbon Economising
23. Hung Out To Dry
24. Foot And Mouth
25. The Toby Lifeboat
26. Sub-Prime Recipe
27. Sunday Sport
28. Cynthia Shackled
29. Destiny With Pears
1. Mr Twenty Per Cent
2. Alternative Investment
3. Gales Of Fortune
4. Private Iniquity
5. Bounced Czech
6. Celandine Sunk
7. Gordon Pulls Rank
8. Cosmetic Surgery
9. Courting Trouble
10. Knuckle Sandwich
11. Hacking Jacket
12. Carrot And Stick
13. The Temple Of Mammon
14. Bull In A China Shop
15. Earnings Guidance
16. Kwik Not Saved
17. Party Pooper
18. Password Bingo
19. Racqu ...

Jacket Text

In this second volume of the Bernard Jones Diaries, retired civil servant Bernard Jones is approaching his 64th birthday. Making money through investing remains as elusive as ever, though his overbearing and over-sexed wife Eunice finds no trouble spending it. Hell's Bells, the share club started at the Ring o'Bells pub by a coterie of dubious acquaintances, seems to be a better forum for gawping at barmaids and consuming pork scratchings than it is for an elevated debate over price earnings ratios and dividend yields.

As ever, Bernard's family, Guardian-reading schoolteacher son Brian, dopey daughter Jemima and malevolent grandchild Digby (a.k.a. The Antichrist) all seem to stand in the way of his reaching financial nirvana. Worst of all is Bernard's dotty mother Dot, who holds in her palsied hands an inheritance that can make or break the family.

Bernard is an emblem for the thousands of small investors whose stories of struggle and persistence are never told, an operating prophet for those weighed down by a demanding spouse-to-earnings ratio.

Professional Reviews

"The funniest and most realistic book ever written about investment." - Investors Chronicle

"In Bernard Jones, Nick Louth has produced an anti-hero for our financial age. Whether it is fighting his way to a secure retirement, jousting with the council over wheelie bins or feuding with his wife over his fondness for cakes and biscuits, Bernard Jones goes into battle on behalf of us all." - Matthew Vincent, former Editor, Investors Chronicle

"Nick Louth delightfully and painfully accurately brings to life the travails of the amateur investor as he tries to make his pension stretch that little bit further. Nick's wry humour and witty focus on human relationships and frailties is a must read and requires no knowledge of finance to enjoy." - Ashley Seager, The Guardian

"Just as chick-lit heroine Bridget Jones struggles with men, retired anti-hero Bernard Jones is bemused by the trials and tribulations of investing. Anyone who is a member of an investment club will instantly recognise the characters in this clever, well crafted and highly amusing book." - Brian Durrant, Investment Director, The Fleet Street Letter

"Bernard Jones, tried by life, marriage, family, friends and neighbours as much as by investment is a must-read. He's on the way to becoming a minor classic." - Chris Crowcroft, Investors Chronicle reader

"I have enjoyed reading Bernard Jones Diary as he attempts to enjoy retirement with a mixture of cunning and (not too much) knowledge. I wish him well." - Eric Cox, Investors Chronicle reader

"It's so easy to identify with Bernard Jones and the situations he describes. I almost feel I know him as a friend. His diary is the first page I turn to in the magazine. It is always topical and hugely entertaining." - Leonard Spark, Investors Chronicle reader

"Small time investor Bernard Jones juggles with middle age, a wife, a grown up family, an elderly mother, foul neighbours and investments. His only pleasures are his indulgence in secretive sweet treats and a Hornby train set. Life shifts up a gear when a pretty au pair arrives next door." - Joe Vella, Investors Chronicle reader

"Bernard and I are soul mates...We share the same hopeless investing traits being driven by misty eyed emotion, alcohol and a love of chocolate rather than the cold logical appraisal of information so beloved by the professionals." - Gordon Gray, New Zealand, Investors Chronicle reader

"I have found myself laughing out loud and occasionally in giggles!" - Mark Hobhouse, Investors Chronicle reader

"A must read for the private investor...Share the highs and lows of life with Bernard as he battles the twin impostors of triumph and despair (not in equal measure unfortunately)." - Tony Watson, Investors Chronicle reader

"Don't miss Bernard's diary, it will brighten your day. This addictive column is so true to life." - Paul Hunt, Investors Chronicle reader


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Media Coverage

Fool.co.uk

Money Talk Podcast: Avoid These Private Investor Pitfalls- David Kuo of the Motley Fool talks to Nick Louth, 31st January 2008

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